Last Thoughts
by Very Special Lee
Summary: One night in a dark cave and surrounded by icy cold water while his body was filled with a Potion Regulus died in 1979. It is hard to tell what runs through the head of someone who knows it is going to end and that there is no turning back, that he finally reached the point of no return; this shall give inside to the last thoughts of Regulus Arcturus Black.


Last Thoughts

Regulus' hand was shaking as he pulled out the false locket and handed it over to Kreacher. Everything had been told. The house elf would carry out his orders for certain.  
As he took the goblet he had conjured in his hand he suddenly felt incredibly alone. He shivered due the cold and hopelessness, which was increasing inside his chest along with his heartbeat but nevertheless he proceeded with pretending not to be afraid at all. The decision had been made some months ago and he did not regret it yet. Not as he hoped he could drink the entire potion without dying before, otherwise Kreacher could not switch the lockets and everything would have been in vain, just a vast amount of wasted time and the shed blood would have uselessly been spent.  
He swallowed heavily and tried hard to ignore the accusing tennis ball big eyes of the elf, while scooping some of the green liquid with the goblet. Warily he eyed it, telling himself there would be no other way for him. In fact there was- he simply could go back to his normal life and pretend never to have lacked in loyalty towards his master. And though he had not seen him for more than a year he wished his brother would be here, now he was facing death and blood seemed thicker than water once more, to be not alone in this dark cave and to have someone when he would... die.  
Funnily enough he once had wished Sirius a long suffering death. The same fate he would be facing now, either due the effect of the potion or due the hands of his former colleagues for his treason. His hand holding the goblet was shaking so much that he needed the other one, too, to prevent it from falling. Sirius please forgive me, he thought; though he really was not in the position to ask for forgiveness. All he wanted was to apologize, but everyone would have agreed that there was no reason to accept it; not by a Death Eater, not by someone like him.  
He grabbed the rim of the basin in front of him so hard that his knuckles turned white as he drained the goblet in one draught. The pain he felt was burning him from the inside, but Regulus still stood straight and lowered the goblet again into the potion. Though it happened long years ago, which felt like a lifetime, he could see Sirius shouting at his mother, could hear the slamming of doors and the swearing, he could see how he ran after his brother as he left Grimmauld Place behind without bidding him even good bye. As the potion ran down his throat again he wished so hard this torture to end and to die right away that the picture before his eyes went black for several moments.  
"Master Regulus?" he believed to hear the concerned voice of the house elf. But it was far away, so afar that no spell could have summoned it. Regulus nearly staggered halfway through the fifth goblet; however, he somehow managed to continue drinking the potion his eyes closed.  
"Sirius... Sirius, please come... come back to me", he spoke with utter fear in his voice and took a deep, shuddering breath. His pale face was twitching in pain as he found the last spark of self-control to drink three more goblets. Regulus fell forwards against the basin, before he slipped down to the ground panting for breath, shaking madly. He needed water. He was so thirsty.  
Nearer and nearer he crawled towards the lake's dark water. Tiny hands were trying to hold him back. He pushed their owner back, still imprisoned in his mind and the pain, between bloodcurdling screams and cold laughter. "Make it stop... brother, please, Sirius."  
Regulus felt sharp claws grabbing his hands. Their hands were icy cold and lifeless, but he did not notice. They dragged him nearer to the water to satisfy his thirst. Before he knew they had pushed him into the water, still holding his hands, biting him, scratching his skin. Though he was indeed in great peril to his life he did not care, he was frozen and could not struggle against their grips as they dragged him deeper, deeper. So deep. Down to the bottom of the lake. His addled mind saw the figure of his brother, a mere shadow, standing at the lake's shore and it would be only the matter of seconds until Sirius would come down to save him. He was not alone anymore. Sirius was here. He would save him. He was coughing for air, but instead water filled his lungs and before he could act- everything was fading black.


End file.
